Jasmine Hart

I really enjoyed this. The structure mirrors the subject matter. Perhaps you could enhance this by making the structure more erratic. For example; "Bouncebouncebounce H o p from one thing ...

This is lovely. I especially love; "You're two of my four heart chambers,". Some parts are rather cliche, such as; "You wiped away my tears, And got me through each ...

This is lovely. I love your use of couplets. I'd suggest splitting the last couplet into two isolated lines; I think this would be very effective as it mirrors the ...

This is well written and I love the idea behind it. The form is very appropriate to what you're saying. I'd try reading this aloud, as I think there are ...

Your rhythm and rhyme are perfect and this flows beautifully. I don't think that it needs to be any longer. However, I would suggest redrafting this. I'd take your original ...

Poem 22 Bluebottle *submitting* Poem 23 Seagull Swoop, swoop, come snatch my sandwiches and shake them 'til the chicken falls into the sea, and you can fly, caw-cackling with my ...

April 22nd Pantoum Petals *submitting* Limerick There once was a teacher of math, who, in each spare hour, liked to bath. She rubbed and she scrubbed, then dissolved in the ...

April 20th, Quatrain I think I'm a few behind... In The Playground *submitting*

If I get one done tonight, I'll be up to date with this but I'll have to go start my new notebook 'cause it's so much harder to write poetry ...

April 17th Give Me Back My Classroom Chant "The sum of the square of the hypothenus... The processes which form a delta... A sonnet has just fourteen lines..." I rattle ...

April 14th Haiku Little gold flicker, lighthouse amid coal and ash, You want to have me. Haiku Golden and precious, you wink so invitingly, then scald my fingers.

Thanks so much bubbles! Let me know if I can return the favour. I'll look at my commas now! Jas

You have some beautiful imagery here, such as; "The space that shrouds us Sparkling dust" and "The yawning break Between past and present." It flows well, and the only glitch ...

I love the first two lines. They're interesting and beautiful and flow well. After this, I feel it gets a little watery. This type of poem is difficult to write, ...

You handle the extended metaphor very well, and this is an interesting piece. You have some good imagery, such as; "Suicide is a little boy wrapped in grey" and "He ...